i see my cousins on my dad's side about once a year. it was christmas eve that we convened in seguin texas (old people and drugrunners) for a stoeltje roundup, you know, get us all in the same room together and eat deer sausage and play wii bowling. but something changed this year, my cousins got a whole lot more real.
what does this mean? i'm not entirely sure. all i know is that when james rolled up in a leftover crack shirt talking about going to parties in abandoned houses, and getting kicked out of rock bottom (a satown club) for smoking on the floor, i was like, what the fuck, who are you? when did you stop playing half-life in your bedroom all the time and start believing in women's rights and shit? it was weird.
and my other cousin eli, the one that's been in rehab and is super skinny, i heard he was gonna join the army reserve. i asked him what was up, like how could he do that, and he explains what i should have expected, that he thinks its alot of bs, but he needs an income. i mean, the guy's a pacifist, but his biodad is such a fuckup that his fuckuppery has necessarily spilled over into my cousin's life.
what i guess im saying is, i saw more of myself in my extended family this christmas than i ever have. which i guess should be alarming, but somehow im comforted instead. eli and i were standing on the deck and he asks me if i smoke weed. my parents were in the house so i tried to slip him a discreet little nod. he goes, "i had a feeling. from the look of you."
and i said, "aw, that makes me feel bad."
and he said, "no, i don't mean like i thought you were high right now, just that, you look like you've been through the dark side of the forest is all".
i hope we all make our way out.
what does this mean? i'm not entirely sure. all i know is that when james rolled up in a leftover crack shirt talking about going to parties in abandoned houses, and getting kicked out of rock bottom (a satown club) for smoking on the floor, i was like, what the fuck, who are you? when did you stop playing half-life in your bedroom all the time and start believing in women's rights and shit? it was weird.
and my other cousin eli, the one that's been in rehab and is super skinny, i heard he was gonna join the army reserve. i asked him what was up, like how could he do that, and he explains what i should have expected, that he thinks its alot of bs, but he needs an income. i mean, the guy's a pacifist, but his biodad is such a fuckup that his fuckuppery has necessarily spilled over into my cousin's life.
what i guess im saying is, i saw more of myself in my extended family this christmas than i ever have. which i guess should be alarming, but somehow im comforted instead. eli and i were standing on the deck and he asks me if i smoke weed. my parents were in the house so i tried to slip him a discreet little nod. he goes, "i had a feeling. from the look of you."
and i said, "aw, that makes me feel bad."
and he said, "no, i don't mean like i thought you were high right now, just that, you look like you've been through the dark side of the forest is all".
i hope we all make our way out.
listening to:
sorry this post was so heavy. stay tuned for the top ten lists of 2008.
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